Prank Dog-Bowl Letters 12 – To the Taoiseach

This is the last of the prank dog-bowl letters from the good old days when pet-food magnate Albert Reynolds was Taoiseach, and when the hint of a Taoiseach’s support for a crazy project would result in Government agencies falling over each other to help. I published the letters in the book Dear John, which I co-wrote with Sam Smyth in 1993, so that meant we had to finalise the correspondence before the book came out. Here’s the last letter: >>>

Morph-Baby No 2 – The Chuckle Brothers

Can you recognise who this are? It’s a half-way image of a morph between two very serious Irish statesmen having a bit of an old laugh. I really like this one.

Here’s the answer, and an animated version of the morph. >>>

Digout Des and the Maze of Confusion

I’ve just spent most of the rest of my life reading yesterday’s Tribunal transcript, in which Digout Des tries to explain exactly how he got the money that he thought was a personal friendly digout from Padraic O’Connor to Bertie Ahern, on foot of Ahern’s personal poverty, but which Padraig O’Connor thought was a corporate political contribution from NCB to Ahern’s constituency, on foot of a false invoice from Euro Workforce Limited for a health and safety survey that was never done.

All clear so far? Good. Because I think we can all agree that the evidence to the Tribunal so far has been, how would you put it, a tad hard to follow at times.

But I defy you to read yesterday’s transcript. Here it is.

Seriously, try it. And see how far you can get before you go mad.

Happy Half-Birthday to That’s Ireland

Today is exactly six months since the first post on That’s Ireland, which was this video about Ireland’s 2007 Eurovision entry, They Can’t Stop the Spring by John Waters. By coincidence, it had nearly the same title and chorus as a twenty-year-old song, Can’t Stop the Spring by the Flaming Lips.

So thank you very much for reading or commenting on or linking to That’s Ireland between May and today, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it develops over the next six months.

Bohemian FC History Calendar 2008

I recently designed a 2008 calendar for Bohemian FC. It’s a pictorial record of the history of the club, spanning twelve decades from the 1890s to the 2000s.

When Bohs was founded in 1890, Frank Whitaker, who later became Brother Francis de Sales Whitaker of the Order of Saint John of Gods, proposed the name Bohemians. The vote was tied and the chairman, Dudley Hussey, who later became a senior civil servant, used his casting vote – the club would be called Bohemians instead of Rovers. Here’s the earliest report that I have found of a Bohs match, from the Irish Times on November 4, 1890: >>>

Monday Quiz 23 – Fair City, Bad Taste Whiskey

On this week last year (November 26 to December 2, 2006):

• Fair City aired its 2,000th episode. When was the first episode shown, and who were the five cast members who had been in the show from the start?
• Fine Gael complained that a marketing campaign for Irish whiskey was in bad taste. What was the brand?
• What Irish connection did the final of the Australian Idol talent show have?
• It was revealed that how many voters had been wrongly deleted from the Electoral Register?
• The Government introduced a bill to fund the running of the Oireachtas for the next three years. Would this cost (a) €50 million; (b) €150 million; (c) €190 million; or (d) all three added together?

Click here for answers: >>>

‘Digout Des’ Digs Himself in Deeper

It now seems that up to one third of the £22,500 ‘digout’ money that Bertie Ahern got in December 1993 may have come indirectly from a Fianna Fail cheque that Ahern signed for his friend ‘Digout Des’ Richardson. On Friday I described how £2,500 came through this route. But between £2,000 and £5,000 more may also have come indirectly from the same Fianna Fail cheque.

Bizarrely, this seems intended to cover yet another cheque for £6,050, that was held somewhere for four months and was then presented to the bank in such a tattered condition that the bank rejected it. Here are the details, based on last Friday’s evidence to the Tribunal by Digout Des. It’s a fascinating insight into the world of business and politics in 1993 Ireland. >>>

Diet of Worms Present the Walkies Awards

I’ve posted before about Dublin Stories, the comedy mockumentary series by Diet of Worms and Novara Films. This is one of my favourites, with Cliona and Greg competing for the award for Best Walking Tour Guide of Dublin. It’s very funny throughout, and is topped with an unexpectedly perfect ending.

You can see all of the episodes here, along with more films by Novara. The most recent, Orflaith & Vincent, features two workers in the impressively named firm Nugent and Nugent Surveys, which is the largest independent survey company in the world. Well, in Ireland, anyway. In Ireland, yeah.

Money Makes the World Go Round

Here’s one small example of the Fianna Fail money merry-go-round unveiled by the Mahon Tribunal yesterday. It involves a friend asking a friend to do a job for the party, the first friend signing the party cheques with which the second friend will be paid, then the second friend using some of that money to give back to the first friend personally. Naturally, it’s all just coincidence. >>>

Morph-Baby No 1 – The Glory of His Pass

Can you recognise who this are? It’s a half-way image of a morph between an Irish entertainer and a Scottish sportsman (who kind of look like each other anyway).

Here’s the answer, and an animated version of the morph. >>>

The Right to a Funeral of Your Choice

This is a sad story, but also an important one. Recently a woman who I knew died, and her death highlighted a basic right that this State denies to many of our citizens. Because this woman was living in an unmarried relationship, she and her partner were denied the type of funeral service that they had chosen together, according to their personal beliefs. >>>

I Can Has Teebagz?

In the style of the cute LOLCats at I Can Has Cheezburger?, here is Bertie Ahern asking I Can has Teebagz?

Last week The €310,000 Man pleaded poverty, complaining that other world leaders don’t have to pay for a cup of tea. So the caring people at Digout Day have asked us all to post him some teabags at his Constituency Office, Saint Luke’s, 161 Lower Drumcondra Road, Dublin 9. Do it today! Serve him right!

Click Here to Email a Friend about this Post

Monday Quiz 22 – Cannabis and Cats in Court

On this week last year (November 19 to November 25, 2006):

• Ireland was the only country in Europe where schoolgirls were greater cannabis users than schoolboys. But what were the figures?
• Why did Linda Martin fear that Pat Kenny might be attacked with a knife, live on air, on the Late Late Show?
• Why did the High Court order John Gill from Clare to remove material from his website, or else face up to four years in jail?
• How did the judge react when one of Mr Gill’s supporters snorted, and told the judge that ‘the cat’ had made the noise?
• Why did two dyslexic leaving certificate students win a case against the Department of Education at the Equality Tribunal?

Click here for answers: >>>

Fifty Ways to Laugh at Voters (Video Version)

To celebrate the run-up to Digout Day on December 7th, here is a video version of Fianna Fail’s Fifty Ways to Laugh at Voters, to the music of Paul Simon’s Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, with some extra material during the choruses.

Click Here to Email a Friend about this Video

If you enjoyed the video, here is the post that it is based on:
Fianna Fail’s Fifty Ways to Laugh at Voters.

And don’t forget to check out the Digout Day site.

The Missing Police Station and Other Apologies

This week’s Sunday Independent has a great correction. Last week, they reported that Mattie McGrath TD was arrested and held in Newcastle Garda Station following a late night fracas. Now they acknowledge that he was not arrested, and was not held in Newcastle or any other Garda Station. For good measure, they add that there is not even a Garda Station in Newcastle.

Here are a few other newspaper apologies that I like: >>>

Great News – Man Injured in Motor Crash!

I’ve just heard the strangest interview on RTE radio. Pat Kenny was talking about a crash at a motor rally race. I’m paraphrasing some of it, but this was the tone.

Pat Kenny (enthusiastically): We’ve just heard there has been a crash, and Eileen Magner was not only there, but she has a video of it !
Eileen Magner: That’s right, Pat.
Pat Kenny: Right place, right time !
Eileen Magner (extracts from her description): It smashed into a wall, and knocked out some blocks… Everybody was stunned… the driver was obviously injured… they took him away on a stretcher to an ambulance…
Pat Kenny (again, enthusiastically): And that will be on the news at one, and again at six, and again at nine !

As I said, I’m paraphrasing some of it, but, seriously, that was the tone.

Political Scandals Must Have Consequences

Here is one of the key reasons why I am supporting Digout Day on December 7th.

Every country has political scandals. In the past few weeks alone, the Deputy Prime Minister of the Czech Republic has been forced to resign, as have an American State Senator and security chief, the Speaker and Deputy of the Nigerian House of Representatives, and the Romanian Agriculture Minister. An American business woman has been jailed in a political scandal, and the President and Vice-President of the Phillipines are under pressure to resign.

There is a common thread linking these scandals. All of the people involved have either been forced to resign, or are under pressure to do so. In Ireland they would either brazen it out, or else resign, lose their seat in an election, then be appointed as Senators by the Prime Minister. In a functioning democracy, there have to be consequences for betraying the public trust.

Here are more details on the scandals I have mentioned above. >>>

Prank DogBowl Letters 11 – From Bord Trachtala

In the last prank dogbowl letter, I contact Bord Trachtala for further assistance. Here is their reply: >>>

Barking Mad Laws for Irish-Speaking Dogs

Unmuzzled dogs who speak Irish can wander freely in public parks in Dublin. If you visit Griffith park in Drumcondra, you will see the following sign.

Rule One says, essentially, that dogs are allowed to wander without leads in the park at certain times, ‘except for bandogs’. But the Irish version, on the same sign, translates the word ‘bandogs’ as ‘dogs that are muzzled’. This raises the following important legal questions: >>>

Monday Quiz 21 – Sick Judges and Sean Who?

On this week last year (November 12 to November 18, 2006):

• How much did the average Irish wedding cost in 2006?
• Judge Brian Curtin resigned from the Circuit Court because of ill health. Apart from his illness, what else might he have been sick of, and what might have made him feel better?
• The High Court finally found in favour of what Bono was looking for. What was it?
• What was the Mayor of County Cork talking about when he said: ‘It is time for us to man the barriers. Nothing in this county will be given away.’
• Defence Minister Willie O’Dea pulled out of launching a book. He explained that, when he had agreed to launch it, he did not know it was about IRA man Sean South of Garryown. What was the name of the book?

Click here for answers: >>>