Prank Letter to Minister for Health

June 25, 2007 at 2:48 am Leave a comment

Here’s a prank letter I posted to then Health Minister Michaeál Martin a few years ago. Another Minister, Joe Jacob, did an interview on RTE about possible terrorist attacks on Sellafield, and he flustered his way into making up a commitment to send iodine tablets to every house in the State. The tablets were of course useless, but they gave me the opportunity for this prank letter: >>>

The Letter

Dear Minister Martin,

I live with my elderly mother, who in her anecdotage displays an endearingly mild paranoia. Our doctor assures us it is nothing more serious than the normal passage of time, and we occasionally have harmless family ‘in-jokes’ at her expense. But it triggered a sensitive predicament when the potassium iodate tablets arrived to protect us from any explosions at the Sellafield nuclear plant.

Sadly, but unsurprisingly, mother refused to keep the tablets for the proverbial acid-rainy day. Instead, she insisted on taking one, “just in case”, on the day they arrived. I stupidly joked that she needed one every day or she would grow an extra head, and I eventually only relieved her irrational panic by convincing her that one a week would do. Yes, I do know it was irresponsible.

When we ran out, sympathetic neighbours and parish council members started donating us their tablets. They now jokingly call me ‘Doctor Glow-in-the-Dark’, and I am so familiar with the blessed envelopes that I am the only person in Ireland who knows that they are ‘potassium iodate’, and not ‘iodine’. But Sundays have been heavenly once mother has her weekly tablet.

However, we have all now run out of tablets, and my workmates seem reluctant to help, so can you please advise where I can bulk-buy potassium iodate tablets, and how much they cost? I want to replace the ones my neighbours have kindly donated, give them the same again as a ‘thank you’, plus have a sufficient supply on hand to feed mother’s harmless habit for the foreseeable future.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Bernard Campbell

The Reply

Here’s the reply that I got from the Minister.

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Entry filed under: Politics, Pranks.

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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.

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Bionic Bohs

As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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