Second Prank Letter to Bishop Pat Buckley
Reply to Bishop Buckley
Dear Father Buckley,
I wrote to you last February seeking natural contraceptive guidance for my clerical adultery group, and you helpfully suggested an old Celtic potion which you got from a rural Archdeacon. We’ve been imbibing the brew ever since! Did you know it is also hallucinegenic if taken in larger quantities than the specified two teaspoons?
I store my supply in the fridge and, yesterday morning, distracted by radio reports of the new Papal Encyclical, I poured your potion by mistake onto the family cornflakes instead of the milk.
Within moments, our eldest, Tobias, who had turned into a tropical toadstool, was being chased round the kitchen table by our daughter Susie on an elderly antelope, while my wife Dympna had sprouted wings and a halo and was singing soprano while tap dancing in the sink, accompanied on matching harps by the Pope and the Rev Ian Paisley.
The trip went bad when Dympna’s mother, Maisie, insisted on eating everyone else’s cornflakes until, to the tune of the music from ‘Jaws’, she exploded across the kitchen like the fat diner who ate a wafer-thin mint too many in Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life’.
Father Buckley, I must now replenish my supply of the brew, which gives rise to another problem with which I hope you can help. As you know, the recipe specifies the hind legs of a hare caught in March. This caught me flak from the Animals Rights lot, but I knew I was on theologically sound ground when I took advice from a coursing cleric.
More urgently, Father Buckley, as the hare must be caught in March and as it is now October, what do I do for the next six months?
PS As the concoction includes only natural ingredients, is it approved by Veritates Splendor or is it defined as a dissident dose?
Reply from Bishop Buckley