Temptresses, Winged Frogs and Vatican Demons

Back in the early nineties Arthur Mathews and I published a prank newsletter called Majority Ethos, which was purportedly the official organ of the Coordinating Committee for Christianity in Politics (CCCP). Our slogan was: Jobs, not Condoms; Marriage, not Sex; Faith, not Sodomy.

But our satire had nothing on the serious content of The Hibernian magazine, edited by former IRA man Gerry McGeough. The current issue comes resplendent with a cover picture of the Pope and the excitable headline LATIN MASS IS BACK! (yes, with an exclamation mark!)

Over the next while I’m going to review my favourite articles from The Hibernian, starting with this round-up of the very first issue in May 2006. >>>

Temptresses

The first issue includes a wonderful article titled The Importance of Modesty and Purity. This is the basic argument:

When a woman dresses even slightly provocatively, she becomes a tool of the devil, pulling many men with her towards Hell. Such a woman becomes the ‘bait’ of demons. For many men, to look at her may very well be an occasion of sin… She may think that she is beautiful, by the glances of approval she receives from men…What she doesn’t see, however, is the disgust of the many guardian angels she unknowingly meets on her way, horrified by her ugliness in the sight of heaven.

Hang on, though. Surely the man has some role? Well, sort of, but:

It is very hard for a man to innocently admire a woman if she dresses in an immodest or provocative fashion. What she is subtly saying by dressing in this manner, whether she knows it or not, is that she is available for sex, very shortly. This causes, of course, a false domination of the woman over the man, as his passions are teased and played with, to her advantage. This is very unjust, a form of bullying, and can only lead to mutual contempt and disrespect between both sexes.

Winged Frogs

Another article, on Evolution, starts out by explaining what scientists believe:

Modern evolutionists no longer accept the idea that species slowly change into other species. They now say that every so often there is a massive jump in evolution so that one day your average frog suddenly produces frogs with wings! Why are such fantastical notions accepted?

Far more sensible are the facts as outlined by The Hibernian:

The Church has declared that if you do not believe in Adam and Eve then you are a heretic. If there is no Adam and Eve then there is no original sin and consequently Our Lord didn’t need to redeem us. Blasphemy!!

Vatican Demons

My favourite article, a lengthy complaint about the new rites of exorcism (you are keeping up with all of this?) includes the following gem:

Satanism is spreading more and more. The new Rite makes it difficult to perform an exorcism. Exorcists are prohibited from participating in a Papal Audience in Saint Peter’s Square. What exactly is happening here?

The smoke of Satan gets in everywhere, everywhere. Perhaps we were kept out of the Papal Audience because they were afraid that all those exorcists might have cast out the legions of demons that have installed themselves in the Vatican.

And that’s just three of about twenty marvelous articles from issue one, published in May of 2006. There’s so much more fun ahead of us. Oh, and did I say that the editor was in the IRA? I must have. Yes, I did. You couldn’t make it up.

Reviews of Hibernian Magazine

• Issue 1. Temptresses, Winged Frogs and Vatican Demons
• Issue 2. Liberal Anti-Lifers and Sodomite Alliances
• Issue 3: Devout Irish Catholics and English Homosexuals

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