When Did Ahern Meet the Manchester Millionaires?

September 16, 2007 at 1:38 am Leave a comment

On Friday, Bertie Ahern changed his story about when he met the Manchester millionaires. He now says that it might have been during April or May of 1994. However, a check of the Manchester United fixture list for 1994 shows that Ahern was in Dublin on the only night that would fit this new theory. Here are the details of Ahern’s possible powers of bi-location. >>>

Saturday April 23, Man United 2 Man City 0
Verdict – Could require Powers of Bi-Location

  • Ahern’s first version was that he got the money at a four-hour dinner on a Friday night in early October 1994, at a restaurant in Manchester, before watching a Man United match on the Saturday. And that he lodged it on October 11, together with some other money.
  • Now he says that the match might have been on a Saturday in April or May 1994. This version would give him a six month gap between getting the money and lodging it, during which he might have spent some or added more Sterling while on other trips to the UK, so the amount of the lodgement becomes less meaningful.
  • However, Man United played only one home Saturday match during those two months, beating Manchester City 2-0 on April 23, 1994. And on the Friday night before that game, Ahern was in Dublin, at the Saint James Gate Eurovillage, meeting delegates to the Eurovision Song Contest. While there he was photographed, laughing with Cynthia Ni Murchu, for the front page of Saturday’s Irish Independent.

Start of 1994-95 Season

So that brings us forward to Ahern’s original version – that the match was in late September or early October – but it has to be before October 11, when the money was lodged. During this time Man United played only two home Saturday matches. They also played one home Saturday game during August 1994, which would come into the net of the new Bertie theory. So let’s look at those three games.

Saturday August 20, Man United 2 QPR 0
Verdict – Possible but less likely

  • Would Ahern have broken his traditional annual holiday to watch a relatively meaningless match against QPR?
  • Possible, but unlikely, given that he doesn’t even remember whether he was at important matches like the derby against Man City the previous April, or the win against arch-rivals Liverpool in mid-September.

Saturday September 17, Man United 2 Liverpool 0
Verdict – Possible but less likely

  • On the Friday before this match, Ahern was technically running the country, as the Taoiseach and Tanaiste were both away, so presumably he would not have flitted out of the jurisdiction unless he was on official Government business.
  • Also, he had only one sporting priority that weekend; the All-Ireland final: ‘Me nerves, me nerves are at me already,’ he told reporters. ‘I’ve only one thing on me mind now, I hope the Dubs do it on Sunday’.
  • Ahern should remember that Friday well, as he was in Dublin celebrating his birthday (which was actually the previous Monday) at a party in the Harbour Master’s Pub in the IFSC, so if he had snuck over to Manchester later that night he would no doubt have considered the money to be a ‘Bertie Present’.
  • But he may have later forgotten because, on that Friday, he was also supporting the annual fundraiser of the Alzheimer’s Society of Ireland.

Saturday October 1, Man United 2 Everton 0
Verdict – Possible and more likely

  • On the Friday before this match, Ahern began the day in Shannon, waiting in vain for a drunken Boris Yeltsin to get off a plane to meet Albert Reynolds and his Ministerial entourage.
  • He would have had time to travel to Manchester later that day.
  • Reporters described Ahern as being ‘rather dishevelled looking’ on the tarmac at Shannon, so it is possible that the Manchester millionaires may have felt sorry for him if he turned up to Manchester in the same state later that night.
  • This date would mean that Ahern lodged the money within ten days of getting it, instead of almost six months.

Any other Date that Ahern comes up with Next
Verdict – Who Knows?

The obvious flaw in the above analysis is that it takes seriously all of the frankly mad stories that pass for evidence in the Tribunal.

It could well turn out that Ahern will soon remember that he actually met the Manchester millionaires in a different hotel, in a different city, in a different country, on a different month, in a different year. And that they weren’t from Manchester at all, and that none of them were millionaires.

And that they actually gave him a different amount of money, which he kept in a different safe, for a different amount of time, and then lodged in a different account, in the name of somebody else entirely who we haven’t yet heard of, and that it wasn’t actually Sterling, but Franks or Marks or Yen or Monopoly money.

But not dollars. It definitely wasn’t dollars. At least that much is certain.


Entry filed under: Ireland, News, Politics, Sports.

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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.


September 2007
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Bionic Bohs

As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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