Prank Dogbowl Letters 1 – To Albert Reynolds

October 2, 2007 at 12:01 am 2 comments

This is the first in my favourite series of prank letters, from the days when Albert Reynolds was Taoiseach. It ended up involving several State agencies, but it began with a simple request to the dog-food-manufacturing Taoiseach arising from a domestic problem with the family’s pet Spaniel: >>>

Letter to Albert Reynolds

Dear Taoiseach,

Firstly, many congratulations on retaining the top spot against the odds. As O’Malley sulked and Bruton sank, your masterly £8 billion Eurodeal spat in the face of a visionless electorate’s snub. Your Spring-loaded return means that national recovery is in sight.

I, like you, understand people. May I be so bold as to advise that you refuse to budge from your approachable ‘howaya’ image? Though the liberals may smirk and the media gurus shrink with embarrassment, the Maastricht poll showed clearly that we do not want an ‘intellectual’ Taoiseach who ‘has all the answers’.

As an Irish John Major – on the face of it, nondescript, yet startlingly effective – you have set the winning tone for the nineties. Consensus ‘Reynoldsite’ politics may seem less dramatic than the ‘decisive’ Thatcher/Haughey variety, yet you have stayed on top by staying out of sight and doing the job. Let them call you the Invisible Man, but when the bandages are removed and national salvation complete, they will understand. Say no more.

I was hoping that you could, as a true ‘man of the people’ Taoiseach, give me some small advice on a matter unrelated to politics, but with which I understand you have some commercial familiarity. My daughter Susie has a beautiful Spaniel puppy which refuses to eat her dogfood unless it is given to her on one of the family’s dinner plates.

Is it possible to buy anywhere in Ireland a dogfood bowl modelled as a willow pattern plexiglass dinner plate? No pet stores I have visited stock them, and the owners all say that they do not believe there would sufficient demand to justify making them. Perhaps the IDA would look into it. I know this is probably too trivial a matter to concern you personally, but maybe you could send the query ‘down the line’ to a suitable civil servant. Max-a-million!

Yours sincerely,
John Mackay

PS Please find enclosed a token donation to the Party coffers. Also, what arrangements should I make to contribute regularly to th Party by standing order?

Reply from Albert Reynolds

I’ll post the first reply that I got from Albert Reynolds in a few days.

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Entry filed under: Fun, Ireland, Pranks.

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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.

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Bionic Bohs

As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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