67 Reasons Why Condoms Spread AIDS

October 4, 2007 at 12:20 am 9 comments

I was tidying up my bookshelves today, leaving them considerably more messy than when I started, when I came upon an intellectual blockbuster of a publication from the early nineties. 67 Reasons Why Condoms Spread AIDS is an expensively produced propaganda booklet by the self-styled Childrens Protection Society, and it is one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life. Here are my favourite leaps of logic from the people whose next publication should have been 67 Reasons Why Crash Helmets Spread Motorbike Accidents: >>>

The Proof from Failure Rates

There is a 10% condom failure rate, according to ‘perhaps the most eminent condom advocate in the country’. Therefore ‘it follows that the more condoms that are used against AIDS, the more AIDS transmission there will be. Contrast this with, for illustration, a country where everyone was chaste’.

The Proof from the Innocent Wife

Taking ‘the worst case scenario’ of the wife of an infected man, the booklet offers three scenarios:

  • Traditional Morality – Man refuses to have sex with wife as he loves her and it would give her a fatal disease. Wife lives to 79.
  • New Morality Without Condoms – Man has right to sexual fulfilment with wife. Wife dies of AIDS at 35.
  • New Morality With Condoms – Man uses condoms with wife every time. Wife dies of AIDS at 43.

The Proof from Carrickmacross

Cavan Monaghan has either Europe’s or the world’s lowest AIDS rate, depending on sources. How is this? Because not a single trader in Carrickmacross will sell condoms.

The Proof from the Size of the Spermatozoon

Condoms have high failure rates as contraceptives. Therefore it follows that ‘the AIDS virus can utilise smaller invisible defects in a condom, as the virus is 25 times smaller than the spermatozoon.’

The Proof from Religious Belief

Seriously, I am not making this up – ‘Religious belief is historically the only successful basis for the rule of law, and this is a vital factor in preventing, notably, sexual assaults on children’.

The Proof from Richard Branson

Richard Branson is the first Englishmen since independence to come over here and get the IrishGovernment to make our laws like those of his own country. ‘Who is this epoch-making man?’

The Proofs from Utter Nonsense

  • Some atheists and Jews oppose condoms.
  • There is no active role for women in condom sex.
  • The Power of Dreams rock group promotes condoms.
  • If the Church were heeded, AIDS would disappear.
  • The Irish Council for Civil Liberties promotes condoms.
  • No health benefit could come from a proposal that is supported by ‘every man who finds sex with children attractive’.

And finally, the clincher, the Proof from Debating Skills

  • In a debate, the condom lobby would lose.

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Entry filed under: Culture, Fun, Ireland, My Favourites, Religion.

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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kate Saltfleet  |  October 4, 2007 at 11:26 am

    The one about Carrickmacross had me laughing out loud – seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

    Now I’m off to share this post with my friends.

    Reply
  • 2. paulie11  |  October 4, 2007 at 11:57 am

    you guys don’t really believe this shit do you?

    Reply
  • 3. Michael Nugent  |  October 4, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    Kate, it was a group called the Children’s Protection Society, based in Dublin, and their spokesperson was a John Clerkin. I don’t know if they are still around.

    Paulie, I know its hard to believe, but I assure you that this publication exists, and these guys were seriously promoting all of the above arguments.

    They also accused Fine Gael leader John Bruton of ‘promoting childsex’ because Fine Gael was opposed to putting an age limit on the purchase of condoms.

    And there is reference to them making similar accusations against Labour TD Barry Desmond in the last few paragraphs of this article from the Sunday Business Post.

    Reply
  • 4. narziss  |  October 4, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    If I ever have to use the phrase “a bunch of bitter bollocks”, it would be right here; right now!

    Reply
  • 5. Nor  |  October 4, 2007 at 3:26 pm

    And seein as we had such a small population then – we’re all probably related to the people who wrote that book!!! Carrickmacross must be very proud to be associated with them!!! ??!! 😉

    Mad old church – one archbishop says condoms spread AIDs, another sets up AIDs clinics …. but like the CURA debacle, all people remember is the right wing lunatic saying ‘if people had more babies and less sex, we’d all be happier’!!! lol

    Reply
  • 6. Checkerboard Cowboy  |  October 7, 2007 at 9:12 pm

    This is the reason scientists don’t bother curing HIV. Sooner or later it’ll get those who spout this bullshizzle.

    Reply
  • 7. SARAH ANYI  |  August 28, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    much still to be discovered

    Reply
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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.

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Bionic Bohs

As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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