67 Reasons Why Condoms Spread AIDS
I was tidying up my bookshelves today, leaving them considerably more messy than when I started, when I came upon an intellectual blockbuster of a publication from the early nineties. 67 Reasons Why Condoms Spread AIDS is an expensively produced propaganda booklet by the self-styled Childrens Protection Society, and it is one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life. Here are my favourite leaps of logic from the people whose next publication should have been 67 Reasons Why Crash Helmets Spread Motorbike Accidents: >>>
The Proof from Failure Rates
There is a 10% condom failure rate, according to ‘perhaps the most eminent condom advocate in the country’. Therefore ‘it follows that the more condoms that are used against AIDS, the more AIDS transmission there will be. Contrast this with, for illustration, a country where everyone was chaste’.
The Proof from the Innocent Wife
Taking ‘the worst case scenario’ of the wife of an infected man, the booklet offers three scenarios:
- Traditional Morality – Man refuses to have sex with wife as he loves her and it would give her a fatal disease. Wife lives to 79.
- New Morality Without Condoms – Man has right to sexual fulfilment with wife. Wife dies of AIDS at 35.
- New Morality With Condoms – Man uses condoms with wife every time. Wife dies of AIDS at 43.
The Proof from Carrickmacross
Cavan Monaghan has either Europe’s or the world’s lowest AIDS rate, depending on sources. How is this? Because not a single trader in Carrickmacross will sell condoms.
The Proof from the Size of the Spermatozoon
Condoms have high failure rates as contraceptives. Therefore it follows that ‘the AIDS virus can utilise smaller invisible defects in a condom, as the virus is 25 times smaller than the spermatozoon.’
The Proof from Religious Belief
Seriously, I am not making this up – ‘Religious belief is historically the only successful basis for the rule of law, and this is a vital factor in preventing, notably, sexual assaults on children’.
The Proof from Richard Branson
Richard Branson is the first Englishmen since independence to come over here and get the IrishGovernment to make our laws like those of his own country. ‘Who is this epoch-making man?’
The Proofs from Utter Nonsense
- Some atheists and Jews oppose condoms.
- There is no active role for women in condom sex.
- The Power of Dreams rock group promotes condoms.
- If the Church were heeded, AIDS would disappear.
- The Irish Council for Civil Liberties promotes condoms.
- No health benefit could come from a proposal that is supported by ‘every man who finds sex with children attractive’.
And finally, the clincher, the Proof from Debating Skills
- In a debate, the condom lobby would lose.