Eejit of the Year to be Decided Today

December 21, 2007 at 1:19 am 18 comments

Some friends and I have an annual Christmas lunch at which we vote for the Eejit of the Year, and this year’s lunch is today. My hot tips earlier in the year were Eddie Hobbs, for his spectacular photos in ‘You and Your Money’, and Liam O Maonlai for his Irish phrases CD that was free with the Indo.

However, Hobbs has failed to keep up his early pace, and has struggled to maintain his eejitry in recent months. And O Maonlai has proved to be a one hit wonder, failing to follow up on the success of the CD. Hector O Heochagan is a perennial favourite, and no doubt some late nominations will emerge.

My dark horse is John Waters, who started with a strong burst of eejitry in the Eurovision Song Contest, sustained the pace with some classic articles including his ‘I’m crying, writing this’ eulogy of Katy French, then finished strongly with his appearance on the Late Late Show 7 Up Celebrity Ice Skating Competition. Here are the highlights of John Waters’ eejitry in 2007: >>>

January 2007

Wrote about car-clamping:

There are bad, stupid and inhumane laws which the citizen is duty-bound to flout, and such a law is wheel-clamping… To clamp the motor vehicle of a citizen is tantamount to withdrawing that person’s liberty for the purpose of revenue collection.

February 2007

Wrote Ireland’s winning entry for Eurovision Song Contest, ‘They Can’t Stop the Spring’, after failing to win in 2006. He said that he entered the competition because:

Well, fuck them… What happened last year was a complete outrage and what was even more outrageous was the way RTE tried to trivialise it.

May 2007

Came last in the Eurovision Song Contest, getting five points from Albania. He said of his song:

It is a kind of Celtic celebration of the eastern European revolutions and their eventual outcome, including the presence in Ireland of thousands of beautiful Polish, Czech, Slovakian and Latvian women.

June 2007

Debated Christopher Hitchens, arguing that God is Great. He (Waters, not God) had long ago

abandoned the idea of becoming a priest in favour of a surrogate vocation as music journalist cum playwright cum cultural and political commentator

and was now writing a book, Lapsed Agnostic, about re-embracing his long ‘lost’ faith.

September 2007

Wrote about depression:

At the core of the prefabricated senselessness in which we now exist is a vacuum created by the induced implosion of previous core understandings concerning the purpose of human existence… Men feel this more acutely because women have a natural working hypothesis of their existences that men, for ideological reasons, are no longer permitted.

December 2007

Wrote about Katy French:

I am crying, writing this… She was a personification of our fantasies, of our sense of what we were becoming … She was a child. She was my daughter and Eoghan’s daughter and Eamon’s daughter and Pat’s daughter and Bertie’s daughter. She was your daughter, your little sister… The dream is over. Our daughter Katy is dead… The dream is over.

December 2007

Appeared on RTE’s ‘Late Late Show / 7 Up Christmas on Ice Celebrities on Ice Special’ (yes, that was the actual title), being sponsored by 11890 Directory Inquiries, to shuffle across the ice wearing a Tommy Cooper fez to the tune of his Eurovision song ‘They Can’t Stop the Spring’. He was competing against Royston Brady, and was described as awful by George Hook.

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Entry filed under: Culture, Fun, Ireland, Most Discussed.

More Irish Atheists than Census Suggests John Waters Wins Eejit of the Year 2007

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Twenty Major  |  December 21, 2007 at 9:15 am

    I agree with him about clamping but he’s really quite potty, isn’t he?

    Reply
  • 2. ScaryGirl  |  December 21, 2007 at 9:28 am

    I’d enjoy his eejitry more if he wasn’t such a misogynist. He can dress it up in all the fancy words he likes, but that man really hates women. He really should have been a priest.

    Reply
  • […] That’s Ireland announces his Eejit Of The Year […]

    Reply
  • 5. becs  |  December 21, 2007 at 11:50 am

    I wholeheartedly agree on him being crowned eejit of the year but being John Waters he will probably take it as a compliment.

    Reply
  • 6. Ian  |  December 21, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    Holy fuck. Hands down. I can’t see anyone taking that race.
    Even Staunton can’t match that.

    Reply
  • 7. Justin  |  December 21, 2007 at 12:54 pm

    ‘It is a kind of Celtic celebration of the eastern European revolutions and their eventual outcome, including the presence in Ireland of thousands of beautiful Polish, Czech, Slovakian and Latvian women.’

    oh god I missed that one. that is fucking classic! he’s got to be a shoo-in. A meteorite of crapness plummeting through the Irish zeitgeist, let’s put it that way….

    Reply
  • 8. Eoin  |  December 21, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    If John Waters had any self respect he would do the decent thing and set himself on fire. Sadly for the rest of us, this is just another one of the qualities he is lacking.

    Reply
  • 9. scwurge  |  December 21, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    What an arse

    Reply
  • 10. Green Ink  |  December 21, 2007 at 10:02 pm

    Jesus. The Katy French one. Jesus.

    Reply
  • 11. Nat King Coleslaw  |  December 21, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    I am crying reading this. Did Mr Waters really suggest that Ms French had not one but FIVE fathers? How did such a conception occur? Was it related to his earlier comment about “music journalist cum playwright cum cultural and political commentator”? That’s only three and a half, though.

    What a complex cardigan John weaves with his hairy head.

    Reply
  • 12. ainelivia  |  December 22, 2007 at 7:58 am

    His comments on wheel-clamping, he is absolutely correct. The whole purpose of wheel-claiming a vehicle, is for the purpose of revenue collection. One of the more legal ways I’d suggest that the Irish Govt goes about revenue collection, some of their personal methods would take an eejit to write about.

    Ah yes, a Poet Laurate of an Eejit it would seem. He seems more than usually articulate, and definitely the sort of finely emotionally tuned human that would run the risk of having the piss taken out of him, or is he taking the p out of everybody else, hard to say.

    “Men feel this more acutely because women have a natural working hypothesis of their existences that men, for ideological reasons, are no longer permitted.” Has this been proven or is it along the same lines as the notion that only women can open black bags?

    Reply
  • 13. Michael Nugent  |  December 22, 2007 at 11:34 am

    Glad to see such a consensus on this.

    Twenty and Aine, the eejitry in his wheel-clamping piece lies not in his opposition to wheel-clamping, but in his equating it to taking away a person’s liberty. Unless, I suppose, you were locked in your car at the time.

    Aine, your question would depend on whether it is ‘for ideological reasons’ that men cannot open black bags.

    Reply
  • 14. ferdia2010  |  December 22, 2007 at 1:19 pm

    How about the people who put bertie and his lieutenants back in power for another 5 years ? There are the real eejits !!

    Reply
  • 15. kidney  |  December 29, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    waters is a highly opinionated journalist who is never afraid of saying what is on his mind, unlike a lot of the media whipped keyboard jocks out there. the fact that some of what he says seems a bit silly proves it!

    i don’t always agree with him, but his views are certainly worth hearing.

    i think history will judge this dude well.

    Reply
  • 16. Damien Mulley » Blog Archive » Fanny Waters is at it again  |  January 16, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    […] extra bonus edit: That’s Ireland on Fanny Waters from last year. Digg it! | Reddit | Del.icio.us | Stumble Upon | […]

    Reply
  • 17. Blogging from the Bog :: Shallow Waters :: January :: 2008  |  January 17, 2008 at 12:01 am

    […] A psuedo-intellectual columnist from the Irish Times, and "That’s Ireland’s" pick for "Eejit of the Year 2007", John Waters is just the kind of shallow and petty […]

    Reply
  • 18. postofficevan  |  July 18, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    I am a feminist, but I can’t help loving John Waters. He is so wise and brilliant (self-educated, so a totally original thinker.) So, he can write words of more than one syllable and construct sentences with the occasional subordinate clause. Only in shallow, Celtic Tiger Ireland would that be proof of eejitry. He has an imperturbable, almost aristocratic dignity which saves him from ever being totally ridiculous. I come from a neighbouring town in the West, and you know, compared to some guys we’ve got down there he is a model of sanity Listen to the man. He’s a prophet. (Or, perhaps a Fool only in the Shakespearean sense.)

    Reply

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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.

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Bionic Bohs

As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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