Eejit of the Year to be Decided Today
Some friends and I have an annual Christmas lunch at which we vote for the Eejit of the Year, and this year’s lunch is today. My hot tips earlier in the year were Eddie Hobbs, for his spectacular photos in ‘You and Your Money’, and Liam O Maonlai for his Irish phrases CD that was free with the Indo.
However, Hobbs has failed to keep up his early pace, and has struggled to maintain his eejitry in recent months. And O Maonlai has proved to be a one hit wonder, failing to follow up on the success of the CD. Hector O Heochagan is a perennial favourite, and no doubt some late nominations will emerge.
My dark horse is John Waters, who started with a strong burst of eejitry in the Eurovision Song Contest, sustained the pace with some classic articles including his ‘I’m crying, writing this’ eulogy of Katy French, then finished strongly with his appearance on the Late Late Show 7 Up Celebrity Ice Skating Competition. Here are the highlights of John Waters’ eejitry in 2007: >>>
Wrote about car-clamping:
There are bad, stupid and inhumane laws which the citizen is duty-bound to flout, and such a law is wheel-clamping… To clamp the motor vehicle of a citizen is tantamount to withdrawing that person’s liberty for the purpose of revenue collection.
Wrote Ireland’s winning entry for Eurovision Song Contest, ‘They Can’t Stop the Spring’, after failing to win in 2006. He said that he entered the competition because:
Well, fuck them… What happened last year was a complete outrage and what was even more outrageous was the way RTE tried to trivialise it.
Came last in the Eurovision Song Contest, getting five points from Albania. He said of his song:
It is a kind of Celtic celebration of the eastern European revolutions and their eventual outcome, including the presence in Ireland of thousands of beautiful Polish, Czech, Slovakian and Latvian women.
Debated Christopher Hitchens, arguing that God is Great. He (Waters, not God) had long ago
abandoned the idea of becoming a priest in favour of a surrogate vocation as music journalist cum playwright cum cultural and political commentator
and was now writing a book, Lapsed Agnostic, about re-embracing his long ‘lost’ faith.
Wrote about depression:
At the core of the prefabricated senselessness in which we now exist is a vacuum created by the induced implosion of previous core understandings concerning the purpose of human existence… Men feel this more acutely because women have a natural working hypothesis of their existences that men, for ideological reasons, are no longer permitted.
Wrote about Katy French:
I am crying, writing this… She was a personification of our fantasies, of our sense of what we were becoming … She was a child. She was my daughter and Eoghan’s daughter and Eamon’s daughter and Pat’s daughter and Bertie’s daughter. She was your daughter, your little sister… The dream is over. Our daughter Katy is dead… The dream is over.
Appeared on RTE’s ‘Late Late Show / 7 Up Christmas on Ice Celebrities on Ice Special’ (yes, that was the actual title), being sponsored by 11890 Directory Inquiries, to shuffle across the ice wearing a Tommy Cooper fez to the tune of his Eurovision song ‘They Can’t Stop the Spring’. He was competing against Royston Brady, and was described as awful by George Hook.