The Legal Case of the Serpent Versus God

February 8, 2008 at 12:22 am 4 comments

Fruit

As Archbishop Connell is now putting his faith in the civic Courts, I was wondering what would happen if some Biblical characters did likewise. Here is my take on the legal case of the Serpent from the Garden of Eden versus God.

A Courtroom. There are two serpents. One is sitting at a bench, and is wearing a Barrister’s wig. The other is lying on the ground.

BAILIFF
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. The Court of Appeal of Biblical Decisions is now in session. All rise for the case of the Serpent from the Garden of Eden versus God.

The judge enters. The Barrister-Serpent rises and stands upright. The other Serpent stays lying on the ground.

JUDGE
(to Barrister-Serpent)
Why has your client not risen?

BARRISTER
He has been cursed by God, your honour, and he must now
(looks at papers)
‘go on his belly and eat dust’. He wishes to appeal that decision.

Here is the rest of the case transcript: >>>

JUDGE
Very well
(to Serpent)
Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you God?

SERPENT
Well, he hasn’t really helped me so far.

JUDGE
(looking at papers)
I see you were convicted of deceiving a Mr Adam and a Mrs Eve.

BARRISTER
And it is they who I shall call as my first witnesses.

Adam and Eve enter. They are wearing only fig leaves.

BARRISTER
Mr Adam, Mrs Eve, can you tell us what you were doing on the date in question?

ADAM
Well, I was very tired, because I’m only made out of dust, and God had just ripped out one of my ribs to make her.
(Eve giggles)
So I had sent her to get some food.

EVE
And then I met him
(points to the Serpent)
And I told him that we couldn’t eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, because we would die if we did that.

BARRISTER
And was that true?

ADAM
Well, that’s what God told me anyway. He said we would surely die on the same day that we ate from it.

EVE
But he
(points to the serpent)
said that we wouldn’t die, that we would just know the difference between good and evil.

BARRISTER
So you ate from the tree.

ADAM and EVE
Yes, we did.

BARRISTER-SERPENT
And did you die on that same day?

ADAM
Well, no.

BARRISTER
And how long ago was that?

ADAM
Just over nine hundred years ago.

BARRISTER
And you are both still alive.

EVE
Yes. I just recently gave birth to our last child.

BARRISTER
And did you , after eating from the tree, then know the difference between good and evil?

ADAM
Yes. That is why we are now taking this case.

BARRISTER
(to Judge)
So I put it to you, your honour, that my client did not deceive the two witnesses, but that God deceived them, and my client told them the truth. If anything, my client should be commended under the recent legislation for the protection of whistleblowers.

JUDGE
(looking through papers)
Well, the Genesis transcript does seem to verify your argument. Very well. Mr Serpent, you are free from the curse of going on your belly and eating dust.
(hits bench with gavel)
Case closed!

Emotional music as Serpent rises from the ground in slow motion and runs to his Barrister. They both embrace by intertwining their bodies.

ADAM
Actually, before we go, can I just say that God cursed us as well.

EVE
He made childbirth painful for me. And he put him
(points to Adam)
in charge of me.

ADAM
And he made the soil barren, so now I have to work to earn a living.

JUDGE
Very well. You are both free from your curses.
(hits bench with gavel)

Reprise of emotional music as Adam and Eve run in slow motion into the embrace of the Serpent and his Barrister. As everyone leaves:

ADAM
Can I still be in charge of her, though?

JUDGE
Of course you can.

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Entry filed under: Fun, Ireland, Religion.

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Declan Chellar’s Ballog » Dear God...  |  February 8, 2008 at 9:26 am

    […] Genesis 2:17 You tell Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit “of the tree of the knowledge of good and […]

    Reply
  • 2. The Drunken Noah Song « That’s Ireland  |  February 19, 2008 at 1:43 am

    […] 19, 2008 As a follow-up to the Legal Case of the Serpent versus God at the Garden of Eden, here is my take on another fun Biblical tale – Noah getting drunk and naked after his cruise on […]

    Reply
  • 3. Brian Meaney  |  February 23, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    God must have been granted leave to appeal the court of appeal of biblical decisions. Great story though

    Reply
  • 4. e-okul  |  February 19, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    Genesis 2:17 You tell Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit “of the tree of the knowledge of good and

    Reply

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A blog by Michael Nugent

Welcome to my blog about living in the maddest country on earth. Please feel free to leave a comment.

I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohemians football club in the 1970s.

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As mentioned above, if you like Irish football and/or cultural nostalgia, I also write Bionic Bohs, a blog about following Bohs in the 1970s.

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