The Right to a Funeral of Your Choice

This is a sad story, but also an important one. Recently a woman who I knew died, and her death highlighted a basic right that this State denies to many of our citizens. Because this woman was living in an unmarried relationship, she and her partner were denied the type of funeral service that they had chosen together, according to their personal beliefs. >>>

In this case, the woman who died was in a stable long-term relationship with another woman. As well as having willed their possessions to each other, they had planned a humanist funeral service for whichever of them died first, and they had chosen a non-denominational graveyard in which both of them would be buried.

However, because they were not officially next-of-kin, the dead woman’s parents were given control of the body and the funeral arrangements, and they instead arranged a religious service, and a burial in a religious graveyard, against the wishes of their deceased daughter and her life partner.

Now I appreciate that the parents were also upset at their daughter’s death, and that they came from a different generation, and that they had their own religious preferences for how and where their daughter should be buried. But this was not – or at least, should not have been – their decision to make.

Much of the debate on the rights of gay and lesbian couples has focused on the issue of inheritance, and this is of course important. But just as important is the emotional void caused by the death of a life partner, and the comfort that can be taken from a supportive environment during the bereavement process.

One of the most comforting things about a funeral service is knowing that it is being conducted in the way that the deceased person would have wanted. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances, those wishes should always be respected.